You know you're not good at a foreign language when you're trying to express the most intense feeling and there is no way to find the right words nor the right sentences... It's far easier to write properly when the topic is rational and there are lots of arguments and ideas about the issue. My problem is, how to put this devastating feeling into words so you can feel my anger and the necessity to break and smash and hit and burn because your soul has been riven.
My rage is now mixed with frustration and this is getting me nowhere! I am supposed to write a nice well-structured text for the blog but my thoughts are blocked and I can only feel, feel, feel! 'To feel' is a vague verb, but I don't really care. Oh, there is a rhyme. Maybe I should try with poetry, so I don't have to worry about formal aspects of my writing. Shitty poetry is better considered than shitty prose; you can always say that no one understands your artistic manifestations as a poet, right?
Here I am, trying to explain myself in English despite I can't think coherently in my own language.
Do you want to know the worst part? This cannot be learnt in college. Not even native writers usually know how to express themselves with the right amount of fury and beauty; only few of them are able to create arrows with their words and pierce your mind.
If only my anger could pierce your soul right now.
2 comments:
It seems that Samuel Beckett also found the limits of language quite overwhelming. He used to write in foreign languages (for example, French)because he believed there was something positive about being aware of such limits. Anyway, I understand you. What you describe has happened to me many times. I just hope you can feel better about it in the future, when you realise you have been able to write wonderful texts (like this one), and also when you discover that you have improved and everything is easier and more flexible.
Thank you :)
That is an interesting fact about Beckett, I will read more about it!
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